Ted's attempt to get expelled from high school leads him to purchase drugs from an unlikely source.

Ted and John's plan to exact revenge on the school bully inadvertently puts them in a parental role. Matty agrees to get a colonoscopy... on one condition.

Ted and John go to extraordinary lengths so that John can watch his first adult film. Matty and Susan's disappointing night out leads Susan to question their relationship.

Ted's plan to spend Halloween with John is thwarted when Blaire forces him to be her designated driver for the night. Susan tries to cheer John up by finding him a new friend.

Blaire convinces Matty and Susan to let Ted act as their marriage therapist. After the session, Ted, John and Blaire encourage Susan to pursue the career she abandoned long ago.

Matty's unorthodox Christmas wish is granted, completely upending the Bennett family dynamic. A trip to church gets John and Ted wondering about Ted's miraculous origin.

As the end of the school year approaches, Ted plots to help John lose his virginity after John learns he is the last virgin in school.