"Itchy & Scratchy" are getting low ratings, so the producers sample children as a test audience. They decide that they need a new character. The execs decide to add a new dog named "Poochie" and hold auditions for the voice. Homer, Otto, Troy McClure and others audition, but Homer gets the part. Coincidentally, a guy named Roy is staying with the Simpson family. Homer gathers friends to watch his debut as Poochie and they all hate it. Poochie is a spectacular failure, so the execs are going to kill him off, but Homer refuses to let him die. He writes his own lines and reads them. The producers kill him off anyway, in a very strange edit and Roy leaves the Simpson house, too. With that, "Itchy & Scratchy" returns to its former glory.

Hank is worried because Bobby seems to have no goal in life and no role model. He takes Bobby to the golf course, where Bobby accidentally hits Hank's idol, Willie Nelson, with a golf club. Meanwhile, Peggy is upset because Hank pays more attention to his guitar "Betsy", than he does to her. Luanne is failing braidwork at the beauty academy.

Scully's recent failing health is revealed to be inoperable brain cancer, which is common among abductees. She meets with other abductees with the same condition and forms a special bond with a dying woman, while Mulder tries to save her from a doctor who may be connected with the abductions.