(Baton Training) LA County West Hollywood Sheriff's Station - Deputy Sean Collingsworth rides a bicycle to work is in a biking outfit. They are going to do an all out assault on the bag 1 at time for 15 seconds. Deputy Paul Terrusa is up first. They egg him on, saying it's a 200 pound thief trying to take his gun away. Sean says it was good. Sean is next and wails harder than Paul and pokes with the baton. They yell to give it a good pop, take it seriously, jab it, he's making fun of your balls. There are all posters of pin up girls on the walls. (12:38 AM Man with a Gun Call) Sean drives up, a boy flags them down and they run over on foot. They cuff Joseph, a long-haired guy in a denim jacket and NASCAR shirt on the ground who says he doesn't have a gun and they woke him up trying to steal his stuff. He says he doesn't have a knife. The park custodian says the guy threatened him, said he'd stab him. They go back to Joseph and he admits he threw the knife somewhere. He asks what he did and why's he being arrested. Sean says he's getting assault with a deadly weapon, work with it. Joe says he didn't assault anyone. They go to take Joe away and he freaks out so they throw him against a fence, down on the ground, he screams wildly that they tried to rob him, they woke him up, why's he being arrested. He keeps screaming and yelling "Why- They find a Bowie type knife. He asks if the knife is illegal. Sean says no, it's illegal to point it at someone. (1:12 AM) They take him to jail, tell him to take his socks off and sit him in a holding cell. (4:40 PM Street Patrol) South East County Sheriff's Station - Deputy David Halm gets his shotgun out of the trunk, loads it, puts it up front and locks it in place. He says he gets the one gun that doesn't fit. (911 Call Domestic Violence) 5:27pm. He's on Bellflower and Flower. A guy beat up his girl and he went down the street. She got away and is calling from the 7-11 down the road. He pulls in and asks who called. A guy says she's in the van. She says her husband, they don't live together. He lives on passage. She went to his house, buzzed him at the gate and had three bags for the baby. He didn't have his key, got mad, hit her in the chest and tried to pull her wedding ring off. David says they'll have to go back since it's the city of Paramount and get a cop from there. She's working two jobs to take care of the kid, he's not giving her any help and is being a rudie-poo. She went to drop the kid off because it's his turn for visitation and she needs to go to work. They go to the Todds' house and yell to open up or they'll bring the K-9 up. He doesn't answer. David kicks at the door over and over, but the dead bolt holds it. They yell for Todd to come out. They let Chubby kick it a while. Eventually they get in and the dog goes through, but they don't find him. The paramedics are called for her because her arm is swelling up, her ribs might be broken and she's thrilled. They cart her off and say he's arrestible now. (6:17 PM) They get a call from Todd asking why his door was kicked in so they go back to his place. There are a few people inside and they ask where Todd Weiss is. He says he didn't touch his wife, never in his life. They have to go with the evidence they have and see. Bail is $5,000 since it's a felony if his friends want to bail him out. They've arrested him for it before. The law is that if there is any signs of injury they have to arrest and everyone is happy, except for him. Temple City Sheriff's Station (911 Call Domestic Violence) Deputy Patrick Martinez gets ready for work at the station. He says he and Rice are working out the schedule for some reasonable hours. Deputy Ann Brannan goes to a locker and grabs a shotgun. (7:20 PM) She goes to a call at 3642 North Delta of a mother vs. daughter. The daughter says mom has been drinking all day, has no right to, passed out on the couch, she called her aunt and they kicked her out. She went to grandmas, kept drinking, punched her sister and bit her breast. She doesn't want to prosecute and her little daughter is crying. There are four of them living there. She has a black eye from mom, wishes she would go to jail, when is she going to stop drinking? If she wants to prosecute, they both have injuries so she'll have to make a citizen's arrest, they'll both go to jail and they'll have to take the kids. Mom went to AA, but Ann says she can't solve family drinking problems. She asks the girl if she has a place to go with her kid. Mom says she bit her chest and Ann looks. The little girl is cold and Ann checks her for bruises. She says they all need counseling or they can go to jail.

Live from New York, it's... Jan Hooks!



Sketches include "Ivana Trump Pre-Nup," "Russian McDonald's," "Wayne's World," "Tales of Ribaldry," "Mr. Short-Term Memory," "Eye on Chest Hair," "Jensen Syringe Company," "The Mob," "Singles Cruise," and "Black History Minute."



Aerosmith performed "Jamie's Got a Gun" and "Monkey On My Back."

A glamorous nightclub singer turned spy has stolen the US Navy's plans for a new submarine, and an FBI agent called Burt is in London to catch her. Burt dismisses Poirot as a gumshoe, and Poirot is likewise not impressed by the self-important G-man. Poirot is drawn into the case when it appears that the submarine plans will fall into the hands of the Fascist government in Italy unless they are recovered. When Poirot meets a young couple who've got an amazing bargain on a prime apartment, he sees a connection with the spy case.