(Roll Call) District 1 - The captain plays a tape of a call from 1/15/89 on the radio where an officer yells out "wahwaaar!" and he tells them he'll castrate the next person who does that, the main offender is not there and it is poor police work. There is also a blood drive on 1/17 and remember you can't get AIDS from giving blood. The 4th annual Pig Bowl is also coming up. (3:05 PM 911 Call) Deputy Linda Canada takes the call of a small black boy who called that he is afraid to go to sleep because he is alone with his little sister. Mom went to the store and he got scared. The neighbors come over and the older brother comes home from school, and can't believe he called. (4:18 PM) Linda stops a whore, Kathleen, with Trojan condoms and tissues on her. What are they for if she's not a whore? She just arrested her on Sunday. The whore asks what's going on and claims she was just walking down the street after eating at Burger King. The tissues are for a cold, Sunday was the first time she was arrested, that's a lie. Kathleen says to check her out. Linda doesn't have to listen to her after she saw her flag down a car. Tony her black pimp comes over and asks what's going on. He says Kath is her girlfriend. He denies she is a whore, Linda saw her and she'll be at jail. (Pig Bowl Annual Charity Event) Sheriff Nick Navarro addresses the children in wheelchairs about the football game. It's professional game at Fort Lauderdale Lockhart Stadium, uniforms, cheerleaders, etc. The Heat in white are the Broward Co. Sheriff's police and they are playing the Legal Eagles in orange - Defense Attorneys (lawyers), like last year. Linda tells a girl to root for The Heat. Highlights are shown including #6 Hicks on the Heat running back the kickoff, Nick coaching, cops cursing, #68 on the Heat injuring his leg, #17 on the Eagles getting hurt, and #6 rushing for a touchdown. The Heat wins 12 to 9 and Coach Nick gets dunked with water by #11 and #54. It's cold and he's shocked. The charities will be as happy as a pig in a poke. (Street Patrol) District 9 - Deputy Jim Fondo stops and calls Kelly over from an ice cream place. Her mom is supposed to be getting out of jail tonight. She got 18 months for cocaine and she does some coke too since there's nothing illegal about getting high. She doesn't prostitute on the streets, she has regular guys who just take pictures. He warned her before and doesn't want to catch her dong anything wrong. (8:20 PM Shoplifting Call) They race to a store where a black couple send in their young brother and sister inside to steal steak. On the way out the manager stopped them and the older brother fought and punched him and he chased him around the back where the car was. The wife left him. The kid says he was told to steal pork chops. He told him to just hold it and walk out. They are told stealing is a bad thing and the manager got hurt The cops let the kids go because they were put up to it. Later Jim finds Kelly on the street again. She's not working, hopes her mom is straight when she gets out, but she isn't straight, if she is it'll help her. She is 16 and has been on the streets since she was 13. She still claims she hasn't broken laws, gets high, doesn't sell drugs done nothing wrong. He says she should be in school. She guesses she grew up different. Jim goes home and is greeted by his wife and kids. He asks a kid what she did at school. She says she colored. Lt. Bob Rios says his unit's job is getting drunks off the street. This month they've gotten 78, 67 other arrests - narcotics or weapons, plus 601 citations. (D.U.I. Task Force) Deputy Chris Wagoneer is looking for signs of DUI's - weaving, going over a curb. (8:45 PM DUI Stop) He is given a field sobriety test. He makes Mr. Crawley do 9 steps forward heel to toe. He counts them out in a British accent, but does 10 steps. He screws up the alphabet test by going "abcdfghijlmopqrstovu? probably xyz". Good enough. When asked to touch his finger to the tip of his nose he gets pissed off, says it's crap, he won't do it and fails that test too. (1:00 AM Hit & Run Investigation) A Datsun 280Z hits a jaywalking crossing the street and takes off. Witnesses get the license plate number. (4:00 AM Hit & Run Suspect) They caught the driver and bring him in. He was DUI and swerved to hit or miss the guy, but couldn't do it. Jim's job is hard when he tells parents their kid was killed in a DWI, but now he works on stopping them before they kill.

Live From New York, It's... Dana Carvey!



Sketches include "The First 100 Days," "The Bob Waltman Special," "The Frost White Story," "Attitudes," "The Palmer Bunch," "Suspended Animation," "Game Show Models," and "The Apocalypse".



John Mellencamp performs "Pop Singer" and "Jackie Brown."