(District 2) Deputy Linda Canada talks to a shirtless man who says his bicycle was stolen, but doesn't want to press charges. A fat white guy nearby in a dirty white shirt says he had nothing to do with it. The shirtless guy won't shut up or listen, so he gets arrested. Linda goes on a boat ride with her fiancé Jerry Wurms, they only have one day a week off together. They picked out an engagement ring, but haven't bought it yet so she goes to visit it. That night he asks her to marry him and has the ring. She says yes and they go to a restaurant. The next day the Sgt. announces their engagement and they goof on her. She goes to a call to search a women under arrest for drugs. She gloves up and makes her take off her shoes. She's on crack and is bruised all over her legs, saying she was beat. Linda asks if she ever tried to get help and she'll put her in a program if she is willing. She can't promise, it's hard, she has no one, is a prostitute, scared of being raped, can't stop. She moves her to another car. (Roll Call) District 2 - Lt. Robert Rios asks how many people check the backseats of their cars. He found a bag of crack in the couch in the lobby that someone stashed there. The Sgt. says they only had 3 DUI arrests so far which isn't acceptable. He wants 3 a day - make a deal. Deputy Willie Washington says he has to work Christmas, New Year's - all the holidays. He goes to a house where a crazy woman is sweeping. He has to grab her and make her sit down. She mouths off and he tells her if he has to come back she'll be arrested. They were fighting. because Candy threw water on the other woman and she came after her with a broom. It's Thanksgiving, so he's trying to be nice. The Lt. arrives and he explains it. He goes back and says one of them has to leave. Candy won't shut up and he yells at her that she is getting on his nerves. The second woman won't leave so he cuffs her. She cries in the back of his car. He goes back to talk to Candy and says if he saw her throw the chair she would go to jail too. The next time he comes he will arrest her as a trouble-maker. (Drug Task Force) Sgt. Bo Deak leads a neighborhood sweep. They hit a dozen people fast. One guy has drugs in his shoe. Another has it in his pocket, but says it is nothing. Another guy is stopped, the only one without coke in the area. A couple is stopped by a church and busted. One guy runs, is caught and still has the dope on him. He said he wasn't dealing anymore. A bunch more people are busted, then they look for drugs on the beach. They stop a guy in a red van with a dog and arrest him with a big bag of coke. (Search Warrant Briefing) Task force. It's a guy they've been to before. Last time he had four guns on him, but wasn't much trouble. (Warrant Served) They run in, bust him and talk to the girlfriend and ask her whom is he selling it to. She admits her mom sells a little bit of drugs too. He says she should leave. She is working, but doesn't make enough to move out. He asks where her mom usually keeps the crack. She shows her the medicine cabinet. He doesn't want her kids to pick up a crack rock, eat it and die. She cries that she is taking care of him.

In a bar, a very mysterious blind man plays the piano, and gives some very special advice to a jealous boyfriend.

Live from New York, it's... Phil Hartman!



Sketches include "The 61st Annual Academy Awards," "The Dan Quayle Show," "Customs Office," "The Third Sweeney Sister," "Robot Repair," "Lady Rhemington," "Requiem For Death," "Broadway Story" (film), and "Wayne's World."



Elvis Costello performed "Veronica" and "Let Him Dangle."