With no archrival to combat, Jack sets his sights on a new mission: write the most brilliant philosophy book ever and get out of Toledo for good. Stef and Mary forget a special day for Michele. Helen forgets to order routine maintenance for the copier causing mass hysteria at Whitlock.

Jack is offended when he discovers a local church received a sizable bequest from his dead mother and used it to by a Virgin Mary statue. In an attempt to get revenge, he ropes his students into helping him steal the statue. Meanwhile, Mary, Stef and Principal Durbin attempt to give the right advice to Michelle who is having marital issues at home, but she ends up getting comfort from an unexpected source.

In the hectic thirty minutes that start every day at Whitlock, Jack tries to retrieve his massage chair from Whitlock's intriguing payroll accountant, Lynette. Durbin and Helen prepare for the morning announcements. Michelle gives a eulogy.

Jack is aghast to learn he didn't make the Top 10 in Toledo's Top 100 Bachelors, and Durbin did. Victor and Eduardo decide it's time to reveal their feelings to their crushes.

Jack uses Michelle's annual cuddle mystery party to impress Lynette. Meanwhile, in a moment of desperation, the students break into Whitlock High to steal the A.P. Bio practice exams.

Jack's war with his neighbor reaches a turning point when it threatens to ruin a date with Lynette; when the school photographer ups his rate, Durbin takes school pictures into his own hands.

Jack is outraged when his old high school bully is hired as a motivational speaker at Whitlock. Meanwhile, Mary, Stef, and Michelle set their own personal goals of female empowerment, unintentionally causing a rift between Helen and Durbin.

When budget cuts threaten to gut Whitlock and put his job in jeopardy, Jack recruits Mary, Stef, and Michelle to take down the Superintendent. Durbin plans an appeal to the heart, while the students plan an appeal to the soul.

After an embarrassing video of him falling off a stage goes viral, Jack plans a viral video of his own. Durbin, Helen and the teachers track down Whitlock's most notorious litterer: The Sugar Daddy.

When he's kicked off his Harvard phone plan, Jack is offered a chance to leapfrog onto Mary's on one condition - he must help her break up with her scuzzy boyfriend. Anthony becomes Durbin's right-hand man.

After his computer breaks, Jack rallies his class to win the annual Whitlock's Got Talent competition so the prize money can go toward a new laptop. Helen and Durbin host the show. Mary, Stef and Michelle prepare a hand-bell routine.

It's the most exciting time of the year at Whitlock: Durbin's birthday and Spirit Week; Jack does his best to steer clear of any school spirit as everyone else comes together to take down their hated rivals at Prairie High.

The college fair comes to Whitlock, and Sarika has an offer for Jack: Get her into Harvard, and she'll get his book into the hands of her publisher aunt; Stef prepares for a visit from a fling; Helen applies to college.