Bro... You want real love? Commit to the right person. Take the bay'ah.

Hey i'm starting to think those guys at Verizon had a point.

He told you about little Omar. Stop acting like you didn't know. Now you gotta explain this dog to your parents?? It's haraam. You're just - haraam.

You dress like a skateboarder - but you don't know how to skateboard?

the shower keeps getting clogged. my feet are just sitting in a puddle of my sweaty body water... You ever feel that? Like, you took a shower, but you feel like you still gotta wash your feet?

Pray two rakat for Ruther Bader Ginsburg.

Do not go to a magic show. David Blaine is straight up Jinn.

Masr Om El Donya... and it always will be. But America is what I need right now. You'll see, baba. Inshallah.

Yes. Mexicans can go to heaven.

Can we just pray together?