(11:47 AM Warrant Served) Multnomah County - Narcotics Task Force Briefing. Cops are in a parking lot and Sgt. John Bunnell says he'll knock and announce and Bob will use the shotgun because the suspect is armed. They pull up to the yellow house with the blue Chevelle in the driveway with Bunnell driving. They are going in fast and slam the door open and run in. Mike is taken down on a bed with a giant Harley flag on the wall. He makes lots of woo woo noises. They tell him to rest his head on the door panel, he doesn't want to tell them anything. They tear up his bed and pillows and find crystal meth and lots of .357 bullets. The meth tests positive. They finds tons of stolen property there. Bunnell wishes people would etch their license or social security number on their items to make them easy to ID. The garage is full of stolen VCRs, stereo equipment, cameras, car radios & cable boxes. (2:15 PM Stolen Property Returned) They found a mans name on some tools and call him. He arrives and says the tool drawer is his and he had 2 antique gold watches in there. Bunnell says they have bags of watches. One man shows up with serial numbers for his power saws. One man finds his stolen gun, but the holster isn't his. The guys mom pulls up and wonders what is going on. She says she knows nothing about what Mike did. Bunnell says it's hard to believe since it is all over the house. She doesn't know about the drugs either. Inside she says he paid for all this stuff. They found no paperwork and he didn't turn any over. Central District - Foot Patrol. Two officers walk through an area under an overpass and say they found body parts there and lots of people trying to hide. (9:45 AM) they go in to remove the homeless people who are doing drugs. Officer Barry Cook finds two Mexican guys living in a hole under a concrete slab. He has black tar heroin and they only speak Spanish and the one guy is all smiling and goofy. They arrest him and have arrested him before at least 10 times. He says the jacket he's wearing isn't his. Barry searches him and gets stuck with a needle. He frantically tries to push the blood out as fast as possible hoping he doesn't have AIDS. He puts the guy in his car and gets the first aid kit out of the trunk. He wipes down and cleans up with hand sanitizer. The other guy is booked on criminal trespass. Barry says he'll have to worry about it for the next 10 years. Back at the station he calls the clinic for information on the needle prick. They tell him the changes of getting AIDS are a couple 100 to 1, he's got a better chance of getting hepatitis, but he's gotten shots for that. It's an officers worst nightmare. Rose Festival Fun Center - Foot Patrol - two officers patrol at a carnival. They say that the less crime, the more likely people are to show up. Officer Mark Murawski spots a metalhead dancing idiotically with a bottle in his hand. He grabs the bottle and him and leads him away. No alcohol is allowed so he pours it out. Officers spot a black man with a large knife. They are ejecting him from the park and find two other knives on him. Officer Rick Hegrenes spots a mullet head with a Budweiser hiding in his Coke cup, he also gets banned from the park. They have to make an example of him. Back to the black guy, James, they find pot residue on him. He denies having enough to make residue, not even sure what it is. The officer laughs and just bans him from the park. Officer Frank Klejmont says they've had the fair since 1970 and people go nuts and act stupid. They exclude people from the park and they come back and get charged with trespassing. Officer Norman Sharp questions a guy with a concealed knife. The guy says he just came there for fun. He's not allowed there because he's drunk and has a weapon. They search another guy who won't tell them his last name and starts to get loud. They tell him to quiet down or else there'll be a problem. They stopped him because a bulge in his clothes might've been a gun. Two guys are drunk and fighting and a bunch of cops jump and arrest them. A third guy is busted for interference. He mouths off in the back of the paddy wagon and they pull them out and cuff him and he screams and bang the walls.

Live from New York, it's... Dana Carvey!



Sketches include "Bush's White House Report," "thirtysomething," "Wayne's World," "Donahue" (two-parts), "Home Improvement," "Johnny's Replacement," "Sprockets," and "Bruce Willis: The Man and His Music."



Neil Young performs "Rockin' in The Free World," "Needle & The Damage Done," and "No More."

Coming Soon...

Coming Soon...