12 (3:40 PM Street Patrol) East Precinct. People call because they think have a rattlesnake in their yard. Officer Lon Sweeney says it is a bull snake and uses a stick to toss it over their fence. (5:35 PM Racial Harassment Call) Cops go to a skinhead's house to arrest guys who attacked some blacks with baseball bats. A white girl comes home and freaks out that they won't let her in since she lives there. A bunch of skins are brought to jail. (9:41 PM Traffic Stop) Lon pulls over a motorcycle. Bobby stops and then does a U turn and takes off. He gets caught in the dirt and Lon jumps out and pushes him over and arrests him. He knows who Bobby is, but not why he ran. (911 Call Auto Theft) A couple of teenage guys try to hot wire a 280-Z and get caught by the owner. The owner punches the 17 year old thief wearing a Judas Priest in the nose making it a bloody mess. The second thief is Justin Swackhammer who is 15 and is wearing an Ozzy shirt. He stands down the road giving them the finger and egging them on. They catch him and the bloody guy spits on the victim and almost gets punched again. The 15 year old is drunk, spitting, cursing and frothing. (2:40 PM Domestic Call) Ed is a 20 year old man who sniffs paint. He is hiding in his moms' shed with a knife. His sister just died from paint sniffing because she drove over a cliff. They try to help him, but he doesn't want any help. Mom wants him to hurt her so they will arrest him. There is nothing they can do, so they leave. Three weeks later he kills himself.

Live from New York, it's... Dana Carvey!



Sketches include "While Dan Quayle's Asleep," "Yard-A-Pult," "Messy Date," "Tales of the Runaway Boulder," "Attack of the Masturbating Zombies," "Rockefeller is Evil," "A Betty Ford Straight Arrow Christmas", and "In the Middle."



Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville performed "Don't Know Much" and "When Something Is Wrong."