(2:30 PM Traffic Stop) Multnomah Co. Sheriff's Dept - Sgt. Loren Caddy says another officer has a potential DWI under arrest and he needs Loren to breathalize him. A car hat hit a bunch of mailboxes and they went over to check it out and found open containers and Buds on ice in the back. They guy wouldn't talk, struggled and then passed out in the back of the police car. Back at the station the shirtless man won't give his name. He wants the cuffs off, wants to make a phone call and if they treat him like a piece of dog s - t, he's going to act like a piece of s - t. He won't say who he wants to call and already knows his rights. Loren says he has different rights and reads to him about DWI. The guy says they beat him up. He gives him the phone number as 749 and wants the cuffs off. Loren asks him if it's long distance. It's in Salem, he doesn't know where he is. He wants the cuffs off, knows a lot of local people who will reverse the charges, they'll accept it. Loren calls for him and the guy says his name is Zoom Zoom Zim Zam, they'll accept it. He says to arrest him, Loren says he's already under arrest. He asks what's for? He tells him DWI, but he doesn't accept that. He calls Loren a piece of s - t. They say he can have the cuffs off if he goes in the cage, but he doesn't want to go in there. He says he has no address, won't say his weight or anything. Loren tells him to back off, his breast stinks, he has enough and puts him in the cell cuffed. Tammy arrives to ID him. She says his name is Scott, he lives with her and they let him go with her. He warns her of his dinosaur breath, he says he doesn't have a Social Security number, to ask his mother. He is lucky they don't put him in detox. She asks if he's been obnoxious, Scott says no. After he leaves Loren says, "What a jerk". (Narcotics Task Force Warrant Briefing) Sgt. John Bunnell is going to meet the rest of the crew and have a chalk talk. There is a report of five suspects in the house, including R Lu, the female they are looking for. He's going to grind it to a halt in front of the house. They get the battering ram ready with John. (12:15 PM Warrant Served) It takes four hits to ram the door open. John yells to get down and they cuff everyone. She an old woman who says she has a problem with her shoulder and doesn't sell coke, but they find a big baggie of it. She's asked if she works and John says to put "refused to answer". (4:10 PM 2nd Warrant Briefing) Detective Doug Ross says they are growing 300-400 pot plants. They'll go in nice at first and smash their way in if they have to. (5:21 PM Warrant Served) A barking dog gets in John's face and he threatens to shoot it if they don't pull it off. They find two huge rooms full of pot plants growing to the ceiling. There is also a calendar going back to January with his growing schedule. They seize $8,000 worth of pot. The suspect says he read how to grow it in a book. It's the first time he's grown it, doesn't know any sellers. John says to just arrest him, he's not helping them any. Portland - North Precinct (Street Patrol) Officer Harry Jackson says he wants to see if he knows a whore on the street. (3:20 PM) He knows Mrs. Lynn, who says she doesn't live there and is going to a house to see an old friend. She knocks at the door and asks if they remember her. They don't. She says her mom lives down the street and she used to lay out in the yard last Summer. The wife says we don't know her. She lives on Alameda, but has a friend down the street. She wants to use the phone, she's going to Vancouver street and says, "With you around Jackson, who needs the national Guard". (4:35 PM) He spots Alexandra McConnell AKA Buffy walking and checks her. He asks what she's doing, if she has rubbers and she's playing Russian Roulette with her life. She says she'll live her life the way she wants, if god wants to take her now, he will. He asks is that how it is? Then asks about the night her nose got rearranged, did she like that? No. He says well he thought it was all right, she thought it was wrong. You may think whoring is right, but other people think it's wrong. She doesn't understand about having crack babies. He says she'll go right around the corner and jump in the first car. He's known her for years, arrested her, got her treatment, testified for her court, everything. She won't answer, has the right to remain silent. She thanked him since he was the only one who showed up in court, not even her mom did. (6:47 PM) He spots Laura and says he's glad she looks so good because he thought he would lose her. She says she's working legit and used to work this corner. He asks what changed her. She says you did, he got her off the streets. He says he better not catch her outside, she says she knows she was a hard head, thanks him and gives him a hug and a kiss.

Live from New York, it's... Kevin Nealon!



Sketches included "The Energizer Bunny," "The Night Hanukkah Harry Saved Christmas," "The Baby Carriers," "Church Chat," "Hal Jerome Tribute," "Dieter in Space" (film), "This is Your Day," and "Season's Greetings."



Tracy Chapman performed "Gimme One Reason" and "All That You Have."