3 (Northern Division Roll Call) - Sgt. Derek Clark says the activity is still hot and heavy at 228, if anything goes on please stop, park in the driveway if you aren't busy, make them miserable. Robert who lives nearby has a radio tower and can listen to the police so he knows what's going on. When they go by let him know and he'll come out and throw rocks at the car they are chasing, he's not kidding. (911 Call Gunfire) They pull up and catch a white guy in the dark with a USA shirt. He says he's on his personal property and not doing anything so why are they bothering him? They explain the neighbors heard shots. He says to talk to them instead of him. The stop sign in front of his house has three holes in it and they found spend casings. He says he fired two shots, realized he did something wrong and went back in and stuffed it in the woodpile. They find the large handgun so he is cuffed. His girlfriend asks why they have to do this. It's felony in CA to discharge a weapon in an area where people can get killed or injured. (9:03 PM Traffic Stop) Derek pulls behind a car that sits through a couple of traffic light changes and pulls her over. Kimberly says she was going to a friends apartment. He says they've raided it a few times, it's a drug house. Everyone they pull out of there has drugs, they want to run them all at of the town, they are useless and should be swept out. She looks like a young Samantha Fox, heavily made up with lots of jewelry. She has a warrant for providing false info to the police. She swears to god she went to all her court hearings and cries. They find a bag of crystal meth, a pipe and a wad of cash in the car. She is cuffed and wants to know where they are going to take her. He says to the station. She wants to know where she'll go from there, she's scared, her family doesn't know where she is. He says to a women's facility. She says she didn't do anything, it's in her car. They talk to Ralph who arrives and says someone told him they saw his car getting stopped. She has no license, so they tow her car. He asks the cops if she said the drugs were hers. He says no, but he didn't ask her. They know the drugs are his and he's letting Kimberly take the fall. Kim asks how could he walk away and freaks out cursing him, calling him a jerk and god damn him. Derek says he has no doubt the drugs are his. (11:40 AM Rural Patrol) Deputy John Sheiferth says they are resident deputy sheriffs, they live in the community the serve. There are six other deputies in the rule enforcement program covering 200 square miles. They serve as detectives, an ambulance, whatever needed. (1:28 PM Domestic Call) He goes past Julian's Café to a house where a man has had problems with a guy being drunk and violent. He calls his partner to back him up. The windows on the house are broken out and a neighbor says the guy went nuts, ran off and his wife and kids are gone. They find him out back shirtless and bearded. He says he did it because he was pissed off at his wife. He says he's been there before, why don't they separate? He's been there 30 years, doesn't want to give it up, has been with her since he was 13 and he was 45 yesterday. He'll die with that witch, but he should leave her. They arrest him for being under the influence. At jail they read him his rights. (3:50 PM Traffic Stop) The guy says he has 3 deadly diseases - asthma, pneumonia and emphysema. He's like an older, grosser, dirty Charlie Manson who lives out of his car. He's trying to get some sleep, trying to get some rest and is tired and sick. His car is filled with junk. He doesn't go to the hospital because he can't afford it. John says he should take up opportunities with the state for help instead of sleeping out there where tourists go. It's an old green car with a truck camper on the roof. He gets the car started and drives off. John says some people get stranded there with no money and they help them as best as they can. (Northern Division Street Patrol) Deputy Bill Hubler says they are going to have computers put in all the cars and will cut down paperwork by 50%. He is told not to take the car past 5gs. He says that would be 500mph and he would die, but his computer would survive. He drinks 7-11 coffee on the run. (3:12 PM Stolen Vehicle Call) A man had his truck stolen a week ago and a friend found it by the railroad tracks. He called the cops to go over there. It's totally stripped, the wheels are gone, the bed of the truck was removed and is in a yard, plus the stereo and seats are gone. They go over and the hood it up, but the plates are still on it. They go up to the house and Maureen Masonette comes out. She says her son lives there with her, she was just cooking and they surprised her. Rajee the son comes out and says Greg from down the street was driving it got stuck in the mud and left it there. He doesn't know Greg's last name. Bill says he better think fast. They stripped it and he took the bed off because the guy wanted the bed for his truck. Bill asks if he thinks a 1988 Toyota truck would get stuck and left there forever. He says he doesn't have any way to contact the police. He's arrested for possession of stolen property. They tell the owner the guy was the one tearing the stuff off his truck and he has no theft insurance. (5:48 PM) Bill talks to Rajee at the station. He wants the truth on everything or he will go to juvenile hall and his mom won't come and get him. They let him go and the mom says thanks, Bill suggests a major change in friends. The owner says it's disappointing and tires to salvage what he can.

Live from New York, it's... Dana Carvey!



Sketches include "Bush and Noriega," "Bizilady," "Penis Euphemisms," "Wayne's World," "The Nagging," "Dennis Woo's Real Estate Fortunes The Easy Way," "Ceaucescu's Wake," "Lothar of the Hill People," and "SNL in the 90's."



Harry Connick Jr. peforms "It Had To Be You" and "It's Alright With Me."

Poirot calls to see the veiled lady of the title (Lady Millicent Castle-Vaughn) at her London hotel. Lady Millicent is about to be married, but a mean blackmailer called Lavington has got hold of a love letter she wrote years before to another man. Lavington wants twenty thousand pounds, and Poirot makes up his mind to recover the letter himself, even if it means impersonating a Swedish locksmith.