Ross discovers a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe dates a firefighter and a teacher.

Kramer and Newman both plan parties to celebrate the new millennium, Kraminnium and Newmanium, respectively. Kramer and Elaine team up to hurt business at a clothing store. George thinks that the Mets have a job for him, so he tries his best to get fired. But Steinbrenner thinks that George was offered a job with Tyson chicken, so he negotiates a deal to keep George. Meanwhile, Jerry worries about what position his girlfriend put his number on her speed dial.

The staff springs into action when Mark is violently beaten by an unknown assailant. Doug treats the son of a wealthy man, leading Carol to suspect him of giving the child special treatment. Greg demands that Jeanie choose between him and Al. Speculation runs rampant when a torrid novella, author unknown, is found at the admit desk. A new pediatrician arrives from Philadelphia. Olbes shows up out of uniform for a change, bringing in her grandfather, who has suffered a stroke. Carla is admitted to the hospital after she goes into premature labor; the contractions are stopped for now.

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