(Pierce County WA - 12:34 AM Pursuit in Progress) Lakewood - Officer Trent Stephens joins the chase of 2 occupants driving back and forth across the city from Pierce to Tacoma. He gets out and lays stop sticks at 5th. The guy sees him and cuts through a 7-11 parking lot. Units from 5 cities are now chasing him. He gets out again and drops the stop sticks after clearing traffic. The car hits them fast, stops a few blocks later and bails. He and the passenger are surrounded and cuffed. The passenger says the driver was going to sell him dope and then cops got behind him and he took off. He wasn't able to get out, he wouldn't let him and he kept asking where to go and he said he was lost. The driver lies on the ground drooling and moaning. Deputy Roger Fuller was leading the chase. The driver has a felony warrant plus will be charged with evasion. The trunk has meth in it. Officer Mike Phipps assists. The passenger has a black eye and says driver would only let him out if he jumped and he thought the way they took the winding turns he would kill them. North Little Rock, AR (1:03 AM Traffic Stop) Officer Kenny Livingston spots a possibly stolen suburban, pulls it over and asks for backup. He makes them put their hands on the roof and the driver has switched seats. They pulls 3 black men out of the back, but the passenger is passed out. K-9 arrives and 3 guys, 1 girl are cuffed. No one wants to say who was driving. They find crack in the front and the girl says she knows nothing about the crack and John nor Curtis wasn't driving. It was Bobby. John says the drugs aren't his and didn't know the SUV was stolen. Curtis was passed out and doesn't know nothing. Bobby says he wasn't driving, Casper the ghost was. The tag was stolen from another stolen car, so it's two counts of theft. Hamilton Co, OH (11:46 PM Disturbance Call) Sheriff's Office - Cpl Greg Raubanus & Deputy Steve Sabers teach at the police academy. Because they see the same things over and over they get lackadaisical. They get a call to a hotel where a man backed his pickup over a wall. The manager says owner has been cussing her out up and down. She just wanted him to fix the wall, but he refused and cursed her out. She wants him out. He is in Apt 121, says he didn't call, has no problem and they are upset because he is upset. They turned the phone off because he owes them 70 cents. He has a suspended license, says he wasn't driving, it was Chad. It's his truck, he didn't hit anything, if he did he didn't mean to. Chad is his nephew who lives with him, but he took off. The truck's back bumper is damaged. The bricks are broken in half. Russell is drunk and picks them up and puts them the wrong way then says he won't do it. He keeps trying and trying and says to put him in jail. He keeps at it until he gets it right with Steve's help. A cab is called because the manager wants him out. Russell says he's not an idiot. Greg tells him if he sees or hears from again tonight he's going to jail.

Live from New York, it's... Darrell Hammond!



Sketches include "Hardball," "MeHarmony.com," "Oprah," "The Push-Up Contest," "Kevin Federline," "Gays In Space," "Guest Preacher," "Action News 13," and "Nebulzitol."



Gwen Stefani (with Eve) performed "Rich Girl" and "Holla Back Girl."

Segment #1: The set-up: Kellee (Zoe's friend) and Chris (Field Agent) are dating. Zoe walks in on Chris and Julia (another Field Agent), and now Zoe is in the middle of this feudal triangle. Zoe doesn't hold back, and really lets both Chris and Julia have it. But now Kellee is trying to say that Chris is "the one" for her. Zoe flips out even more, until finally Kellee drops the Punk bomb on the already-ballistic Zoe.



Segment # 2: Serena Williams and her friend stop at a supermarket, and park next to a woman who is having difficulty with her nephew Rob, who is really emotionally charged. When the woman goes into the store and asks Serena to look after the boy, he takes off with the car! It's a wild goose chase all over town when the woman, Serena and her friend go after the missing car. Finally they catch up with the car in a parking

lot, where Ashton is there to let her know that she's just been Punk'd.



Segment #3: Zach Braff is so protective of his porsche that his friend Donald Faison decides that he's in for a lesson. So, these kids (led by Field Agent Rob Pinkston) ask Zach and Donald for some beer at the store. When they blow the kids off, the kids spray paint Zach's car all up and down with graffiti. Zach comes back and catches the kids red-handed. A big argument ensues and Zach is ready to press charges or kill the kid, whichever happens first. Finally Ashton arrives to pull the plug on the situation.

After Bex survives her suicide, Charlie advices Claire to take some time off work then Claire shares a secret kiss with Luke behind Bex's back. Abs is visited by a loan shark who says Ellen owes him £5000 and he wants it back off Abs. Tess tells Sam the truth about Mike.

Phill's Team: Simon Amstell, Melanie Blatt (All Saints)