When Lois catches the boys vandalizing a trashy billboard for a strip club, Malcolm alters the vandalism into a women's rights protest, which sparks a colossal media circus. In no time, feminists, conservative religious groups and national new reporters descend on the scene. After Hal grants a TV interview, a woman from his past turns up at the faux protest; and Reese, inspired by the giant billboard stripper who comes to life in his dreams, gives an impassioned speech about the objectification of women.

The Bluths think that Lucille 2 is making a deal to sell the company so in order to save it, George, Sr. calls Uncle Jack, a family friend, for help. But Uncle Jack will only help the family if he's promised a date with Lindsay, leading Michael to try to distract Tobias away from the situation. Meanwhile, G.O.B. and Buster try find out what Lucille 2 is up to but end up fighting over her.

When Paige attempts to a hire a new teacher for the Magic School, she finds out that one applicant named Drake is an ex-demon who made a deal with an evil sorcerer in order to become human. Drake decides to convince the sisters that he has reformed, but the sorcerer won't abide that, and casts a spell that causes Drake to believe he is Robin Hood and that the owner of the local phone company is the villainous Prince John.

Fearing punishment from Marge and Homer, Bart decides to fake his own kidnapping rather than admit that he went to the rap concert that he was told not to go to. Things get interesting when Chief Wiggum, seeking to improve his tarnished reputation, investigates the kidnapping and wrongly arrests Kirk Van Houten as Bart's kidnapper.

When Hank agrees to take in a soldier's pet, he gets Duke, a vicious, mean-spirited cat. Hank takes Duke to visit Dr. Leslie, a veterinarian who runs a battery of tests and presents Hank with a bill for several thousand dollars.

Woody is desperate to go to a Kinks concert in Miami. Things begin to get interesting as Jordan looks at a dead suspect and notices he only has one arm. This takes her back to a murder case that involved Jordan putting a woman named Faye Vaughn on death row. Now Jordan has one big problem - Faye Vaughn, who said that a man with an artificial arm is set to be executed in five days. Bug is shocked when he sees the body of Lester Abbott in the morgue and realizes he earlier saw that same man being kidnapped. Jordan and Woody look at a tape that shows Faye threatening the dead man's life. Jordan discovers why the second bullet was never found. The second bullet went into the man's prosthetic arm, cracking it.

It's Valentine's Day on Wisteria Lane, and love is all around (sort of), as Susan looks forward to a romantic date with Mike Delfino, until she learns a surprising fact about her favorite plumber. Also, Mike breaks into a neighbors house and is shot and tries to hide it from Susan. Meanwhile, after reconciling their relationship, Bree discovers something new about her husband Rex when it comes to his sexual needs.
Lynette's cranky and lonely old neighbor accuses the Scavo twins of thievery as Lynette tries her best to handle the situation. Lastly, Gabrielle's work adventures continue as she gets a gig as a mattress model for the "Siesta King" (guest-star Jon Polito).

When a prison guard is murdered, Eames and Goren investigate, only to discover they've riled the feathers of Mike Logan, a Staten Island police officer who happens to be dating the nurse at the prison. Logan joins the duo to find out exactly what is happening at the prison.

While out with Tara, Alan ends up causing a bar room brawl and as a result, becomes arrested for conspiracy to commit assault and battery. Shirley and Denny represent a man whose steakhouse is being put out of business because the public wants to ban red meat for fear of Mad Cow disease. Denny begins to believe that he may have Mad Cow disease and Tara and Alan grow closer together.

On the road to Damascus, Nebraska, Samson and the troupe stop to help when they run into a rival troupe that has fallen on hard times. In Mintern, Dolan tries to help Iris and Justin find a solution to their legal problems while Iris is surprised when she learns of Justin's real plan: to frame Dolan for the ministry fire. Back at Carnivale, Rita Sue learns that Stumpy lost all of their money with gambling while he and Jonesy come to blows over Rita Sue. Ben and Sofie decide to explore their growing romantic relationship with sex when she tells him that she intends to leaves Carnivale and wants him to come with her. Also, Ruthie appears to have a psychic connection with Lotz when she briefly speaks in his voice to Lila. Also, Ben finally decides to go on ahead towards Damascus when he learns from Sampson about Stroud who's on Scudder's tail.