(Pierce County WA - 1:02 AM Pursuit in Progress) Lakewood - Officer Matt Brown is en route to the east side after a vehicle with stolen plates that won't stop. Josh sets up stop sticks and the white truck hits them and keeps going. He loses his tires, goes into an apartment complex and bails out on foot. He is caught right away and tazered, but he howls and continues to fight. Officer Mike Phipps assists. There are two more in the truck brought out at gunpoint. Deputy Kris Nordstrom helps get them out. The third guy howls that his arm is popping out of the socket as they cuff him. The driver is mirandized and put in the back of a cruiser. The third guy has a needle on him. Deputy Mario Carey talks to the woman passenger. She says she didn't know the driver, her friend got out and peed, didn't know the truck stolen and the guy just jumped out while it was rolling. (1:03 AM Vehicle Stop) Officer Dave Shaffer pulls up behind a stolen gold vehicle that fell off the hot sheet. An unmarked car was following it and called Dave. Jason pulls over, gets out and is told to lift his shirt up and walk backwards to the cops and is cuffed. There is a women passenger, Gabby, a dog in the back, the ignition is punched and the stereo is missing. Gabby says Jason bought the car today and didn't know it was stolen. Officer Andy Guerrero is backup. She says he works from time to time, but doesn't have much money, doesn't know where he'd get any money and sometimes people give him money for helping them, but doesn't know who. He's in the back crying, says he doesn't want the girl to get in trouble since they're only together for 2 weeks. He traded a gram of meth to borrow the vehicle. Later she admits she knew it was stolen because he wouldn't tell her where he got it and needed a screwdriver to start it. He says he has a foster kid in California. They let the girl go with her dog. Hamilton County, OH (8:55 PM Traffic Stop) Sheriff's Office District 1 - Cpl Pete Enderle says his kids always ask if he caught any bad guys today. Sometimes he says yes, sometimes nothing happens. He goes to stop a car with no headlight and on Glenaire at the 3000 block he pulls over. Has a temporary tag, no tail lights and no license. He reaches in his pocket for money and gets in trouble for that. He says he has no weed on him and it's the first time he drove the car. Then he admits there is weed in the front bucket. They find the pot where Jeff said it would be. He's 18 and has a warrant. They find coke in the trunk in a jewelry box. He is arrested, says it's not coke, it's powdered sugar and came with the car. Then why it is wrapped up in a little baggie? He won't explain why it's there. He got $800 worth of tickets last week, has a kid, his head's up his ass, needs a way to pay the bills. He's arrested for pot, warrant and fake coke.

While on a hunt for a women with no identity. Detective Charlie Jade is shot into a strange parallel universe

While on a hunt for a women with no identity. Detective Charlie Jade is shot into a strange parallel universe

Live from New York, it's...Chris Parnell!



Sketches include "A Message From Tom DeLay," "Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice" (edited version), "The Bad Thrower," "The Falconer," "Dr. Phil," "Tom Brady's Falafel House," "Behind The Music: The Super Bowl Shuffle," "The Oak Room," and "Backstage Quarterbacks."



Beck performed "E-Pro" and "Girl."

Segment #1: Vanessa Carlton is preparing for a visit on the Leno Show. She is assisted by a back-up band that is really trying her patience. She keeps her cool for the most part, but she has a tough time dealing with the many changes going around her. After many bad takes and an argument in management, the cameras arrive and she's been PUNK'D!



Segment #2: Ciara is being driven to an event, when the driver, Jordan, has an altercation with another driver. They engage in typical road-rage activities, until the other car hits several water barrels and leaps off a dirt embankment. The police arrive and start to question Ciara. Notably, the officer gives her a hard time about her name. Finally, when they feel she's had enough, Jordan drops the PUNK bomb on her.



Segment #3: Nicole Richie and her fiancee go out to eat. The waiter, Chris, takes a liking to Nicole and later asks for her number while the fiancee is using the restroom. Nicole is patient and very kind and takes his number anyway. When Chris comes back, constantly with his hands on Nicole's arm or shoulder, the fiancee takes great offense and starts an argument with the waiter. When the manager gets involved, they blame Nicole for taking the waiter's number! Finally, she is let off the hook. She takes it well.

Lois goes over to visit Ida, but gets unpleasantly surprised by the St. Grotus Day festival.
Malcolm fails a music appreciation course, and reluctantly goes to Dewey for help.
Reese and Hal secretly watch scary movies while Lois is not around, but it ends up revealing some unexpected secrets about both Reese and Hal.