Parallel stories pit Malcolm against Kevin, a bullying, obnoxious new kid who goads Malcolm into beating him up; and Francis vies with his intimidating military-school commandant, who's presenting sex-education lectures. When Malcolm discovers that Kevin is only seven, he is guilt-stricken and tries to make amends by entering a charity marathon race. Meanwhile, Hal chops down the front-yard tree, alienating the neighbors (who can now see the house) but fascinating his sons with the wood-chipper.

Springfield Elementary sends its band to the state fair. When the Simpsons get there, Homer basks in the great sounds of Bachman Turner Overdrive. Lisa seeks justice from on high when their school band loses in competition to another band that does the same tired old school band classic, "Stars and Stripes Forever" and their band does James Brown's "Living in America." so she writes a letter to President Clinton. What does the family after the competition, why they would watch a horse named Duncan dive from a platform. When the owner abandons him, Homer takes the horse home. The Comic Book Guy mentions that this plot has happened previously, but the Simpson family takes the horse home anyway. Homer tries to figure out a way to exploit Duncan. They enter him in a horse race with Bart as his jockey. The horse seemingly has no chance and he finishes last. Homer decides to give him a makeover and Duncan gets a bad-ass gimmick. He becomes Furious D. Marge starts developing a gambling problem, prompting Comic Book Guy to remember another classic episode. Furious D starts winning every race. The jockeys abduct Homer and reveal that they are evil trolls. They threaten him, so Homer has to throw the big race. Furious D wins anyway, and the jockeys come to kill the Simpson family. Homer beats them all by outsmarting them. To round out the "worst episode ever," President Clinton visits Lisa to tell her that he overturned the decision at the state fair.

Buck Strickland's wife Miz Liz catches him at a company dinner with his mistress Debbie, and files for divorce. She takes over Strickland Propane, and promotes Hank to Manager. Hank finds himself fending off her advances, when she decides that an affair is the answer. Debbie, who is attracted to men with power, also starts to try and seduce Hank. Meanwhile, Peggy takes over Buck's barbecue joint, Sugarfoot's, and turns it into a standardized restaurant.

A young girl inexplicably disappears from her home, and Mulder requests the case even though it is a full FBI matter, not just an X-File. When Mulder takes some outrageous leaps to convince the girl's parents that she will be found, Scully fears that Mulder is becoming too personally involved with the case because of his sister's abduction.

Tony and the guys decide to make a visit to Italy as Carmela stays back at home and contemplates their marriage. While there, Tony finds himself attracted to Annalisa who happens to be the daughter of another mob boss. Angie Bompenserio tells Carmella that she wants to divorce Pussy.

Dr. Zoidberg undergoes some dramatic changes when his species enters its mating season. But, when the crew travels to his home planet, the doctor discovers he needs to learn a great deal about love and women.

Hugo reminds Armando that that night is the Drag-Queen's party. Fredy changes restaurants at the suggestion of Yenny, the model, and the barracks lose their money and they cheat because Efraín arrives at the restaurant and doesn't find anyone. Sofia keeps Yenny's paycheck and Yenny goes to complain to Gutierrez.